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16 April 2013 @ 03:00 pm
(05) peculiarly, there is a lack of oxygen only around me. (part ii)  
woohyun/sunggyu
dystopia!au
r
4388 words





Woohyun asks for the same boy from the last time again, and tells him to ride him this time, closing his eyes under him while he runs his hands through the pale tights. There’s a name on the tip of his tongue the whole time, until he finally comes and can’t hold the moan that sounds so much like ‘Sunggyu’ anymore.


He feels dirty afterwards, not so much because there’s cum staining his stomach but because he thought of Sunggyu the whole time; Sunggyu clenching around him; Sunggyu moaning and groaning with that voice he has yet to hear; Sunggyu telling him to go faster, harder, deeper.


He lays lifelessly on the bed, the boy long gone, the sweat drying on his skin, and lets Sunggyu’s voice lull him to sleep. And it feels wrong but Woohyun feels better than he has in a long time so it can’t be that wrong, right?




I think about you a lot.


May be the understatement of the year, but is as much as Woohyun can say in an email without looking blatantly creepy. Truth is, he is acting blatantly creepy ever since the first email.


Maybe you should buy a couple of new TV channels because you seem to have too much free time.


If that’s sarcasm (and Woohyun is pretty sure it is sarcasm), it’s official, Woohyun is in love. Or what he thinks is love, taking into account he has hardly ever heard, read or seen love.


Maybe you could help me with that.


What did he say about trying not to look blatantly creepy? Whatever.


I’m afraid you’re confusing me with some random level E, Woohyun-sshi. I’m not in the habit of that kind of things.


I’ve never seen a level E as beautiful as you.


You have probably not seen enough level E.


Why would I want to get to know any more level E’s when you keep on replying to my emails?


Maybe I should stop doing so.


That would be a pity, I was just going to ask you on a date.



Woohyun does buy a new TV channel eventually, one with old movies 24 hours a day, and learns what a date is (not that he didn’t know what a date was before, he just had a slightly different idea that didn’t imply holding hands and implied a lot more sex). He’s doing it all wrong, he thinks, because he cummed to the thought of Sunggyu before even thinking of holding his hand, stroking his cheek and telling him how beautiful he is, which is exactly what he’s doing right now.


You know perfectly that we are not allowed to do that.


Where would you like to go if we were allowed to?


What’s the point of hypothesizing about something we will never be able to do?


Please, just this time.


Just this time... Once I heard some level B talking about a place where there’s so much water you can’t see the end of it, and apparently you can walk with your feet inside the water because the ground is soft and your toes bury there and there’s nothing like that feeling in the world.


A beach date sounds nice. I could take your hand while we walk along the shore and you could tell me about your favourite food from the canteen, or how you think your suit is getting dirty and you need a new one.


Are you laughing at me?


Truthfully, I’m not. If it’s you I’ll like to hear that.


Let’s not talk about this anymore.




As creepy as he obviously already is, Woohyun has actually been holding back from asking Sunggyu to meet him somewhere, anywhere (anywhere being the only places they can actually meet, like an empty corridor or some empty stockroom). He knows Sunggyu won’t like the suggestion, and he honestly doesn’t want to disturb him anymore as he is kind enough to keep on replying to his emails and even give him some small, ridiculous, minuscule hope. What else can he ask for, anyway; he knows he will never have a beach date with Sunggyu.




Luck is on his side, though (who would have known there’s still such a thing as luck in this world), because the next day he walks to the level D he sees Sunggyu slowly making his way to the bathroom.


He follows quickly, although he knows he’s not supposed to use the level D bathroom (he wouldn’t want to anyway, the level C one is much better). Only one of the stalls door is closed and Sunggyu is nowhere to be seen; better this way, because a camera greets him from the far corner but he’s certain there are no mics in the room. Not in the level D.


“Su-Sunggyu? Can you hear me?”


Ok, that was a stupid question.


“Ok, that was a stupid question. I know you can hear me and... It-it’s me, Woohyun. Of course you wouldn’t know because we have never talked before and... I may be a little bit nervous.”


He turns on the tap and washes his hands nervously, but the unease doesn’t wash off.


“I hope you’re not scared, it wasn’t my intention. Oh, but this is a bit... I swear I wasn’t following you, it was just my luck, and now I don’t even know why I came here in the first place, I guess I wanted to see you but now I’m talking alone to a bathroom stall so-”


Woohyun gets interrupted by the sound of the stall door opening, and when he turns there is Sunggyu with the most precious expression he has ever seen. Or maybe he’s a bit whipped and Sunggyu’s expression is more like a horror one.


It’s not like he hasn’t seen him this close before, after all the stalking he has done next to his desk, but now it’s the first time Sunggyu is actually looking back, fully aware of his existence, hearing his voice. The thought alone is arousing enough for Woohyun, but when he tries to get closer, Sunggyu flinches and he remembers there’s a camera recording them. He turns towards the sink again, eyes fixed on the white wall in front of him (and now that he thinks about it, it’s pretty horrible that the level D don’t even get a mirror in their bathroom).


“I’m happy,” he says turning the tap on again.


He senses Sunggyu approaching him slowly and turning on the tap besides his and takes it as a signal to continue talking. Sunggyu doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry and that’s good.


“You look good. Well you always look good it’s just that like this is kind of different... What am I even saying.”


Sunggyu’s lips curl in the form of a light smile and Woohyun feels suddenly bubbly, like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders; because well, he kind of figured out Sunggyu had some sort of liking towards him, but here he is, saying the most stupid things ever, and Sunggyu is even smiling. Before he realizes, he’s grinning like an idiot.


“Can I... hm can I touch you?” The red light over the camera blinks at him; Woohyun is aware, Sunggyu looks bewildered.


“I’m sorry, absolutely no touching, that was stupid.”


Sunggyu swifts slightly by his side and Woohyun is afraid he’s preparing himself to leave, but suddenly there’s a light pressure on his arm and then Sunggyu’s hand is on his, barely there under the tap but there, and Woohyun realizes he only moved to block the camera casually. Before he can react (because it’s Sunggyu touching him and it’s soft and warm and it’s Sunggyu) the other has already retreated and is walking towards the door.


“I think I’m in love with you.”




I want to learn to say your name.




There’s a message on his intercom when he arrives home the next day telling him not to go to work the day after. It happens once or twice a year, when they need to restart the system and clean all the possible viruses or intrusions. Woohyun lays on his bed exasperated; he used to enjoy his free days before because he could sleep until late, but this time he’s not enjoying it at all. Do level D also get a free day? He never wondered that before.




When he comes back to work the day after, his email inbox is empty too, one new message from the admin telling him his computer log has been purged and he cringes, remembering he never really erased his conversations with Sunggyu because he liked to reread them too much.


Sunggyu’s desk is empty too.


Woohyun checks horrified that his record has been erased too, because there are only two options: that he’s been imprisoned, or that he’s dead, and honestly he doesn’t know which one is worse. He goes to the toilette and breathes heavily, because he has forgotten how to cry and there’s a lump on his throat he doesn’t know how to get rid of. He spends the rest of the day looking for any kind of information about Sunggyu but he was never that good with computers, dirty work usually goes to the level D.




He goes home later than usual, dragging his feet, a heavy weight on his stomach. But apparently he was wrong when he thought those two were the only possibilities for Sunggyu’s absence, because when he opens the door of his apartment the other is there sitting on his bed. He carries a small backpack and his hair is messy, not like Woohyun’s used to see it, and he looks way more beautiful even if he’s wearing what looks like a pajamas (he probably only had a pajamas and a suit in his closet, there aren’t many options for the ones like him).


He stands as soon as he sees Woohyun, eyes bewildered. It doesn’t look like he thought the runaway thoroughly and he just stands there fidgeting, and when the other comes closer, he opens his mouth as if trying to say something, but nothing comes out of his mouth. As expected.


He tries again, breathing slowly this time, eyes fixed on the floor.


“Woo... woohyun.”


His voice is angelic indeed, even better than anything Woohyun could have imagine before, and he gasps out of air.


“Say that again,” Woohyun says walking towards him, just a couple of steps between them now.


Sunggyu raises his head finally, looking at his eyes, and takes air again.


“Woohyun. Woohyun. Woohyun,” the other can see his chest raising, his Adam apple moving slowly, and unconsciously extends his hand to touch Sunggyu’s throat because he wants to feel it vibrate. “Woohyun. Woohyun. Woohyun-”


Now that he’s started, he seems to be unable to stop, and Woohyun has to remind him how by kissing his lips softly. Sunggyu freezes at the sudden contact, but his eyes close languidly soon after as he finds himself responding to the kiss with urgency, Woohyun’s hand slipping from his throat to his nape.


It’s short, but it’s only a first kiss, and Woohyun feels the urge to part ways and look at Sunggyu. His eyes are still half-closed and his lips glossy from the kiss and he looks just perfect, just the way he always wanted to have him, doing something he’s not supposed to do, desperate, gorgeous.


He takes his time to admire every single dip of his face, running his thumb slowly over them, brushing his lips on the skin, and when Sunggyu moans lightly, Woohyun feels like crying because his voice is the most perfect thing he’s ever heard.




Woohyun proves himself right when he has Sunggyu pinned on the bed under him, beautifully naked and emitting the sweetest sounds. It took him more that he thought to get the other male naked, because nobody had ever seen him bare before and he shivered at every single touch, but at the same time it was delightful to undress him slowly and carefully, measuring every move and feeling the other’s skin tremble under his fingertips. And when Sunggyu is finally completely naked, Woohyun knows it was all worth it; he’s warm and soft and he just wants to lean closer and closer until they become one, and Sunggyu hugs tightly while they kiss, sinks his short nails into Woohyun’s back and lets out a loud growl when Woohyun finally pushes a finger inside of him, but buries his head immediately into the pillow beside him scared of the sound of his own voice.


“Don’t stop, I want to hear your voice.”


“It’s embarrassing,” Sunggyu manages to answer between pants. There are three fingers inside of him now and he feels he can combust any time; all his life put together can’t get any close to the level of intensity of this single moment, so when Woohyun mumbles let go in his ear he does exactly that and finds himself releasing all the sounds he has been forced to restrain for twenty years.


It does hurt when Woohyun is finally pushing inside of him, it hurts a lot, but Sunggyu loves every bit of it because he is finally feeling something. And when the pain eventually turns into pleasure, Woohyun is whispering in his ear that he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, that he’s never felt like this before, that he wants to hold onto him forever, so Sunggyu hugs him tighter and finally comes screaming his name. Woohyun. Woohyun. Oh, Woohyun.




“I erased my own record when I realized they probably read our emails, but they have most likely found out everything by now.”


Woohyun knows that if they weren’t coming for them before, they probably are now after all the noise. But he will care later, not now that he’s lying naked on his bed with Sunggyu hugging him tightly around the waist, feeling his breath on his chest.


“And I practised a lot,” Sunggyu murmurs against his skin.


“Your voice is beautiful. You are beautiful.”


Ten minutes, he’ll care about everything in ten minutes.





Sunggyu twists his feet until they are completely buried inside the sand under the water, and when he looks back at Woohyun there’s a huge grin on his face and his eyes are shining like he’s never been this happy before (he has never been this happy before). When Woohyun takes his hand to intertwine their fingers, Sunggyu rubs the back of his palm lovingly and reaches to kiss him, mumbling a soft “Woohyun”. He gets an almost inaudible “I love you” as an answer. They can almost hear the sirens coming towards them, but they just press a little closer and kiss a little more eager until they can’t hear anything but each other’s breathing and they can’t feel anything but the fullness of being finally (and even if it’s just for a short time) happy.





a/n: I don't know if I'll continue posting my fic in LJ, formatting is tiring (I just stopped doing it...) and I don't think many people reads me here anyway, so this may not be the last thing I post here but just in case, here's my AFF account.
 
 
 
Krystal: infinitedapdaphaex on April 17th, 2013 01:42 am (UTC)
omggg it was beautiful ;n; i really love these types of fics LOL they speak wonders about hope and stuff /shot

No really, thanks for sharing, it was a good short read to keep me going with school work xD
okaeiri: sgokaeiri on April 18th, 2013 05:53 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you saw some hope here, most people is telling me how gloomy the whole fic is... (it is gloomy, but I also like to thing there's some sort of hope in there)

Thanks for your comment :)
aitsu_kame: pic#119287736aitsu_kame on April 17th, 2013 01:11 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful ;;;; I almost cried reading their exchange of emails because hope seemed out of reach but love prevailed after all :')
okaeiri: sg2okaeiri on April 18th, 2013 06:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you :3 I'm glad you enjoyed, but don't cry!
Arashi1188: pervertedarashi1188 on April 17th, 2013 01:14 pm (UTC)
WHERE ARE MY KLEENEX

Gosh, this was so nice.
I was fidgeting with anticipation for the moment of Sunggyu's first words.

Thanks for writing this!
okaeiri: whokaeiri on April 18th, 2013 06:34 pm (UTC)
No, thank you for commenting! Yeah, that's quite THE moment :3
penny_lane_42 on April 17th, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)
OH GOD THIS KILLED ME DEAD.

I love dystopian AUs, and your world here is heartbreaking and terrible and just perfect for a fic like this. My heart jumped every time these two got a little bit closer, and you did a great job of communicating how much Woohyun yearns for Sunggyu. Everything about this is beautiful and perfect and terrible (in the best way). Thank you so much for sharing!
okaeiri: sg4okaeiri on April 18th, 2013 06:48 pm (UTC)
I love them too, and I've read such good Infinite dystropian fics I felt like giving it a shot.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading and thank you for recommending it on your tumblr too <3

Edited at 2013-04-19 05:54 am (UTC)
Kelsey: kpop.wooggyukwritten on April 17th, 2013 03:00 pm (UTC)
ughhh

Hihi! Here from penny_lane_42’s rec on tumblr

Kim Sunggyu sounds just like him.
/ugh why is this line killing me dead?

so he’s just an email address in the life of Kim Sunggyu.
Well then…

Nobody under the level C can talk … It’s irrelevant and totally pointless, but he can’t find another way to keep in touch with him..
I love this contrast between his power to speak aloud and finding his way around what is allowed to say what he wants. It’s so poignantly outlined here.

but he gets to learn the almost unperceptive changes in Sunggyu’s mood. And yet he thought level D didn’t have those.
The slow humanizing of Sunggyu is agonizingly well paced. Especially because we assume that the narrative perspective would be “human” – and yet, the more knowable Sunggyu becomes, the more we can see how inhuman Woohyun is; how much of his reality and understanding of the world has left him empty despite his higher status. Lovely.

He is happy on Sunday, Woohyun just knows, although he’s not smiling. He wants to think it is because of him.
I don’t think we are allowed to have this kind of conversation, Woohyun-sshi.
Life is boring if we only do what we are allowed to do, aren’t you bored with your life?
I don’t know what is boring because I don’t know what is not boring.

Okay what I love so much about this. Is that your narrative is completely echoing Woohyun’s mind. You aren’t filling in the spaces in between, because right now there isn’t anything between for him. There are only unspoken words.

Also the geek in me is wanting to roll around in this delightful contrast you have set up between linguistic thought/communication vs. verbal communication/knowing. To be trapped inside one’s own mind in that way must be so … ugh. Especially in light of your line earlier: He can’t talk, but he can moan and whine. Like an animal, Woohyun thinks. That delicate line between the mind and expression; how to redefine that in a world in which certain people are not allowed verbal words

Do you think about me?
Sometimes I do.


And there is my heart lying in shatters on the floor.

This is so lovely!!!!

part ii

((when I thought you had disabled comments for the entire piece I almost lost my mind - you should be showered with love))

(not that he didn’t know what a date was before, he just had a slightly different idea that didn’t imply holding hands and implied a lot more sex). He’s doing it all wrong, he thinks
LEARNING HUMANITY THROUGH MEDIA OMG WHAT ARE YOU?!

*gasps for breath*

He goes to the toilette and breathes heavily, because he has forgotten how to cry and there’s a lump on his throat he doesn’t know how to get rid of.
THIS

and when Sunggyu moans lightly, Woohyun feels like crying because his voice is the most perfect thing he’s ever heard.
So far you have come, Namu, from comparing moans to animals. Now a moan is a voice, an expression, a thought.

and lets out a loud growl when Woohyun finally pushes a finger inside of him, but buries his head immediately into the pillow beside him scared of the sound of his own voice.
OMG!!! WHAT EVEN.

so when Woohyun mumbles let go in his ear he does exactly that and finds himself releasing all the sounds he has been forced to restrain for twenty years.
OMG BUT THE CONTRAST TO THE BOYS FROM LEVEL E!!! That sound, that any sound, is expression. That he can find his voice here, that he trusts Woohyun enough to share his voice here.

but Sunggyu loves every bit of it because he is finally feeling something
This little moment of Sunggyu’s perspective – only available when they are together, as if they are intertwined and the only thing they can feel and fully experience is the other person.

They can almost hear the sirens coming towards them, but they just press a little closer and kiss a little more eager until they can’t hear anything but each other’s breathing and they can’t feel anything but the fullness of being finally (and even if it’s just for a short time) happy.
WHAT.

Perfect, flawless everything; this fic is so inspired and well-paced and full of so many lovely things.

*squish*

okaeiri: whokaeiri on April 18th, 2013 09:33 pm (UTC)
How do I even... how can I.... I honestly don't know how to start answering to this. So first of all, THANK YOU <3 For reading and for taking your time to write such a great comment.

I think you're giving me more credit than I deserve, your interpretation is so interesting I feel like you're writing about someone else's piece. I really like your insight about Sunggyu slowly getting humanized while Woohyun is the opposite, how it is much easier to identify with Woohyun at the beginning but at the end of the fic is Sunggyu's character you actually feel closer too.

And I don't know what to say about all these linguistic feels you have, at least not without sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. Verbal communication is here a way of control, it leads to a feeling of being trapped in your own mind, as you said, but eventually to that feeling of not having anything to say, which is the last stage of control.

But the voice is also something very... intimate? I mean, each one's voice is very characteristical, and being something forbidden, I think Woohyun develops some sort of fetish towards Sunggyu's voice, because it's something nobody has been able to hear before, and it's not something animalistic like whines, he wants to hear him say something, say his name. It wraps with what you said that Woohyun's façade slowly fades as the fic goes, I think.

Ok at this point I don't know what I'm saying anymore so I'll just leave it here. Again, thank you very much for the feedback, it was great and I'm really happy you enjoyed it and found it interesting. Really, thank you :3

*squishes back*
peaceful seagull: sungyeolgalmaegi on April 17th, 2013 09:16 pm (UTC)
ohh i really like the mood you create here and how you build the world through all the little details of woohyun's life. i was definitely rooting for them to meet and talk to each other by the end, even if it was bittersweet.
okaeiri: yehokaeiri on April 18th, 2013 09:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :) It was bittersweet indeed, but I guess the fact that they eventually at least met is a bit hopeful... Oh well I hope so.
doyeolhearme: pic#118806770greasytree on April 18th, 2013 06:38 am (UTC)
"They can almost hear the sirens coming towards them, but they just press a little closer and kiss a little more eager until they can’t hear anything but each other’s breathing and they can’t feel anything but the fullness of being finally (and even if it’s just for a short time) happy. "
THIS LAST SENTENCE--JUST OMYHOGOD AVGWEFFRUQEWSJISDHCFVH
okaeiri: sg3okaeiri on April 18th, 2013 09:47 pm (UTC)
;_________; (I am crying over my own fic this is quite pathetic)

Thank you for the comment :3
Pat, #12!: WOOGYU♥goodbyethankyou on April 18th, 2013 08:10 am (UTC)
What’s the point of hypothesizing about something we will never be able to do?
Oh oh oh oh oh, Sunggyu. ;~;

I don't think many people reads me here anyway

I
read you here!! ( ゚д゚)/

And I was so excited to see that you posted a new fic omg this was so sweet I loved it Woohyun is everything about crossing lines and I can only imagine Sunggyu falling victim (and never having a say) without a fight. This was a really nice read ♥♥

Edited at 2013-04-18 08:24 am (UTC)
okaeiri: sg4okaeiri on April 18th, 2013 09:49 pm (UTC)
Sorry :3 This fic received much more feedback here than I expected so I may keep on publishing here, don't worry!

Thank you very much for the nice comment, I'm glad you enjoyed <3
scheska: DongwooBirdscheska on April 20th, 2013 03:02 am (UTC)
That was so pretty! It was so soft and bittersweet, like there was always this little tiny bit of hope that, yes, things will work out, and they do... If only for a little bit and then seem to fall down too soon but not quite... Or don't mind me, I just really liked it.

(I understand what you mean, I don't like LJ formating either, AFF is easier, but I still keep it mostly because of the communities)

Anyway, really good!
okaeiri: yehokaeiri on April 21st, 2013 09:59 pm (UTC)
But things did work out for a short moment and that's better than nothing, right? (I guess...)

(I think I may end up posting here too and not caring about formatting, am I too lazy? Meh.)

Thank you very much for reading and for your comment :)
scheska: DongwooBirdscheska on April 22nd, 2013 01:15 am (UTC)
It was, and if you really want it you can think that they just ran away for life and lived happily ever after (?)

And no, it's not that one is lazy, it's LJ failing at trying to make things simple and ending up doing it more annoying ...

:)
CoolGyu's wιfe♥.: pic#118201061Anneetf on April 21st, 2013 07:27 pm (UTC)
I loved your fic. The plot it's very interesting and original, and it makes you addicted to the story until the end ;_;. I love how Woohyun falls in love with Sunggyu and how Sunggyu ends up broking the laws as well as the other to be together, falling in love with him too. They are so cute oh my god ;___; I would trully love if you keep posting fics here, but I'll keep reading your stories from now on in AFF. I love your writing, rlly! Very good and emotional job with this one!
By the way... the ending! It makes you suffer because you know they are together but they are coming for them so jakshdj so much angst feelings god TT
okaeiri: sg3okaeiri on April 21st, 2013 10:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much :3 The ending is so angsty I can't believe myself, I swear I once said I didn't like angst that much and look at me now orz

I guess I'll keep on posting here since I got more feedback than I thought.

Thank you for the nice comment :)
mileslonglovemileslonglove on April 27th, 2013 02:05 pm (UTC)
BLOODY HELL, THIS IS PERFECT.

Creepy and nervous Woohyun is so fun to read, I had to silently laugh to myself in fear of people judging me.

"They can almost hear the sirens coming towards them, but they just press a little closer and kiss a little more eager until they can’t hear anything but each other’s breathing and they can’t feel anything but the fullness of being finally (and even if it’s just for a short time) happy."

Why must you remind me about the sirens and that it's not a completely happy happy ending? But nonetheless, great work though. Loved the fic. <3

okaeiri: whokaeiri on April 28th, 2013 12:02 am (UTC)
Thank you very much for the nice comment :)

And I'm sorry about the ending but... it just.... had to end like this.....
mhn7700: pic#121060429mhn77 on February 13th, 2014 08:53 am (UTC)
I honestly don't know where to start with this one, or really even what to say.
this was one of the first Inpi fics I ever read, not long after you posted judging by the date, and I've probably read about 100 Woogyus (99,9% of what I read) since then, but to this day, this is still the one I think about the most. this is still the first one that comes to mind when people talk about great fics or ask me for recs.
and that's even with the end and the turn-out you're implying!

the universe you set up is so vivid in my. it's grey and uniform and robotic, and then there, in the midst of all the grey sit Gyu by his desk, diligently doing his work, completely unaware of all the warmth and colours and beauty he's emitting simply by living, drawing Woohyun like a moth.
I dunno.. I know this was probably not what was in your head, but lol

and the way Gyu slowly..lifts his head and starts noticing the world and himself the way Woohyun shows him, it makes my chest hurt ㅠㅠ

"and when Sunggyu moans lightly, Woohyun feels like crying because his voice is the most perfect thing he’s ever heard"
I am Woohyun, and that right there is probably the reason this fic will forever touch me cos the thought of a world without Gyu's voice makes Woohyun's desperation relatable to a scary degree 8( the world needs that beauty present! ㅠㅠㅠ

lol I feel like this comment became creepy somehow.. orz
khaulabear: naani!!khaulabear on April 11th, 2017 12:49 am (UTC)
This is soo good!