if you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand.
(I'm shamelessly using Sungyeol as a comic relief, just because I can. Also, shame on me because the second and the third part are much worse than the first one. Just don't hate me too openly, ok?)
Woohyun realizes he has forgotten his toothbrush when they are at the airport ready to board towards Japan. He asks the manager if he has five minutes to go buy one at one of the expensive convenience stores of the airport and when he accepts, Sungyeol runs after him happily shouting at the managers that he’s going with Woohyun.
“Soooo I heard that you have a girlfriend” he singsongs as soon as Woohyun starts checking the shelves.
Woohyun straightens up and looks over the shelf, from where he can see Sunggyu casually talking with Hoya in front of the boarding gate. He sighs.
“Who told you?”
“Ah, that’s a secret, it would be indiscreet to tell you”
Woohyun turns to look at him raising an eyebrow.
“Ok, it was Sunggyu.” Sungyeol says nonchalantly “So it’s true?”
“No, it’s not”
Sungyeol squints his eyes suspicious “I don’t believe you.”
“Why do you have to know everything, anyway?” Woohyun pushes him aside to walk towards the cash desk.
Sungyeol follows quickly, jumping around him “Hyung has a girl! Hyung has a girl!”
Woohyun sighs and makes to cover his mouth while the cashier is typing something in the cash register.
“Really, there’s no girl, just shut up.”
Sungyeol follows him again once he leaves the shop, dancing around him with a stupid grin “But there’s someone you like, right? I knew it, your eyes are glowing!”
Woohyun suddenly stops in the middle of the corridor and turns towards Sungyeol with a serious expression.
“Actually, I like you. All this time it has always been you.”
Sungyeol panics for a second, enough time for Woohyun to turn around and walk towards the others. He’s almost reaching the boarding gate when he hears Sungyeol screaming “Yah, don’t you think you have fooled me, I’m gonna find out sooner or later! And that wasn’t funny!”
When he comes out of the shower the next day in his hotel at Japan, Sungyeol and Sunggyu are lying on the bed whispering. They both look at him at him as soon as he enters the room.
“Nothing!” Sungyeol sings while standing up “I’m going to the buffet, see you guys there.”
Woohyun frowns and turns to Sunggyu as soon as Sungyeol leaves.
“What were you talking about?”
“Hum, nothing, just gossiping, you know Sungyeol.”
“And what were you gossiping about?” he says while lying on his stomach in front of Sunggyu “I like gossips.”
“Get dress, it’s late already” the leader says while sitting up on the bed and lighting a cigarette.
“You smoke a lot lately.”
Sunggyu chuckles “Yeah, I guess cigarettes are like chocolate.”
“A substitute of sex.”
Woohyun freezes a second before taking his clean clothes from over the bed and retreating to the bathroom. When he comes out of the bathroom again, fully clothed, Sunggyu is already gone and there are three cigarette butts in the ashtray.
Sunggyu has been acting all bitchy since they last came from Japan, and their last practice has resulted in Myungsoo silently sobbing in a corner and Sungjong scowling right beside him. Sunggyu angrily leaves, slamming the door, and the rest of the members collapse on the floor.
“What the hell is going on with him lately?” Hoya pants.
Woohyun sits on the floor with his gaze fixed on the door. Myungsoo is still sobbing.
Dongwoo sighs. “He’s been under a lot of stress lately, we haven’t practiced that much with all the trips and I guess he just-“
“He just needs a good fuck” Sungyeol cuts.
Myungsoo suddenly starts giggling from his corner, Sungjong after him and finally Dongwoo. Hoya seems to be containing his laughter and throws his bottle of water to Sungyeol.
“What? It’s true! Why does he take his sexual frustration out on us?”
“I don’t think he’s more sexually frustrated now than two weeks ago” Sungjong retorts.
“Well, he looks like he is, maybe he was screwing some noona from Immortal Song or something, I don’t know.”
“Woohyun would know. Did he tell you something?”
Woohyun finally turns when he hears Sungjong’s voice saying his name, only to find five pairs of eyes fixed on him.
“I’m… I’m gonna see if I can find him” he says while standing and walking his way out of the room.
“I bet he’s also sexually frustrated” Sungyeol states as soon as the door closes. “Didn’t he have a girlfriend anyway?”
Woohyun knows where to look for Sunggyu. He finds him smoking in the small alley that leads to the backyard. Sunggyu smiles softly when he sees him coming.
“Coming to scold me again?” he says.
“Nah, I give up, you ain’t gonna find a girl anyway.”
Woohyun laughs and leans on the wall right beside Sunggyu.
“Are the kids ok?” Sunggyu asks finally.
“Yeah, I think so. They think you’re a bitch, but you know, nothing new.”
Sunggyu chuckles “I’m sorry I’ve been acting like a jackass lately.”
“It’s ok, they understand that you’re stressed, just tone down a bit the next time.”
“Yeah… and you?”
“What about me?”
“They understand that I’m stressed, but do you?”
“I know you better than anyone, remember?” he playfully bumps their shoulders and Sunggyu smiles. “Give me a drag, will you?”
“What? Did you just say that? You, Woohyun? The Anti-Smoking League Woohyun?”
“I like to try new things, hyung” Woohyun shrugs it off.
They both smirk, Woohyun ends up choking on the smoke and Sunggyu laughs like he hasn’t in months.
Everything goes better from that day; Sunggyu is a bit less annoying, Myungsoo doesn’t cry again and Woohyun finds himself sharing more cigarettes with Sunggyu.
They eventually go to Nell’s concert; Sunggyu spends 20 minutes trying to decide what to wear and scolds Hoya for intending to go with sweatpants. Woohyun watches from the coach amused. Dongwoo falls asleep in the middle of “The Day Before” right beside Sunggyu, but the latter is way too engrossed to notice.
They end up wandering around the venue looking for a BBQ restaurant, Sunggyu animatedly blabbering about the concert while everybody else just pretends to be listening. Sungyeol suddenly holds Myungsoo to show him something he has seen in a shop window and Sungjong stays behind with them, and suddenly Woohyun realizes Hoya and Dongwoo are also way ahead and he’s walking alone with Sunggyu.
“… but I definitely liked ‘Time Spent Walking Through Memories’ the most, didn’t you? Ok, I may have a weak spot for that song, and the lyrics are so good”
“Yeah, I guess so…” Woohyun agrees rather uninterested.
“I don’t know, I just… it’s very romantic.”
Woohyun raises his eyebrows until they can’t be seen under his bangs “You are not romantic at all.”
“I am!” Sunggyu frowns.
“Really?” Woohyun laughs.
“Hey, I’m being serious here! I know I’m a difficult person some times, but I really want to make a good boyfriend some day.”
“Oh, yeah? And what kind of things do you have in mind?”
“Well, just the usual, take care of her, never allow her to be unhappy” he sighs “I just want to be that person she feels more comfortable being with.”
Woohyun can’t help but look down. Seeing the older get so seriously intimate is rare and he doesn’t quite know how to react.
“I like ‘Stay’ better” he says finally.
Sunggyu looks at him half-smiling, and when the others reach them from behind giggling and pushing them, they have already created that impenetrable bubble around them the rest of the members knows they can’t get into.
They get a free day before going to Thailand, and although it is sunny and warm, they decide to spend it in the dorm. At 5pm they are all spent in the living room, Dongwoo curled in a futon apparently asleep, Sungjong lying on the sofa texting on his phone and the rest of them watching a drama that has had them hooked for weeks. Sunggyu turns to look at Woohyun, who’s sitting on the floor wrapped in a blanket, and when the younger notices, the leader gestures him something that looks like smoking and then stands. Woohyun follows him and when they are by the door, Sunggyu bends to whisper in his ear.
“I discovered a new place the other day.”
Woohyun frowns, but Sunggyu opens the front door and motions to him to follow. They end up on the rooftop, which Woohyun didn’t remember was usable, Sunggyu leaning on the railing and Woohyun right beside him.
“I wish I had found this place earlier” the older says while lighting a cigarette. “I could have avoided Sungjong whining that the dorm smells like smoke every day.”
“Poor kid” Woohyun lets out a chuckle.
“Are you defending him? I thought you were on my side now!”
“Maybe I was just an undercover agent but I’m still in the Anti-Smoking League.”
“I knew I shouldn’t trust you. So I guess you don’t want a drag?”
Woohyun laughs. “Nah, not today.”
“So… wanna tell me about that girl of yours?”
Woohyun turns to look at him surprised. Sunggyu hadn’t really mentioned the girlfriend thing ever since he first suggested it, and he was hoping he had forgotten about it.
“Uh, is it that secret? Is she an idol too?”
The younger doesn’t answer, just keeps on silently laughing.
“Really? C’mon, I’m your best friend, are you really not going to tell me anything?”
“There’s nothing to tell, hyung.”
Sunggyu frowns, but finally gives up. This is just the way Woohyun rolls: he always seems to know everything, but he tells nothing.
“Ok, whatever, but don’t you think I will forget about it.”
“I know.” he smiles “And what about the noona from Immortal Song?” he asks after a pause.
“We made out a couple of times in the dead times between recordings, but… I don’t know, she wasn’t quite my type. I haven’t seen her since I left the show.”
Woohyun just hums as a response.
They stay there for a while, before Hoya calls them worried and they come back to the dorm. They watch horror movies until late, Sungjong claps and smiles, Sunggyu curls up in a blanket right beside Woohyun, holding his wrist until the younger one doesn’t feel his hand. He doesn’t move it away.
Dongwoo’s laughter resonates in the hotel room in Thailand. Two beds are not enough for the seven guys, but they are exultant after the concert, drinking beer and eating chips in their pajamas like children. They are all tired, but the crowd was bigger than they thought, the cheers louder, and all the hard work from the last weeks has paid off.
Woohyun turns to look at Sunggyu to discover the leader is already looking at him. He doesn’t want to see anything that may not be true behind his eyes, but Sunggyu’s gaze is overwhelmingly intense. He softens his gaze just a minute after and reaches for Woohyun’s short hairs over his ear.
“You did well, Woohyunnie, really well. Thank you” he can see his smile reaching his eyes and he can feel the saliva getting stuck in his throat.
Dongwoo and Myungsoo have fallen asleep when they decide to retreat to their beds. It’s almost five in the morning, and Woohyun wants to wake Myungsoo up and get him out of his bed, but Sunggyu holds his elbow softly and shakes his head.
“Let him be, you can sleep in my room, don’t you always anyway?”
Woohyun knew this was going to happen, or either he wouldn’t have tried to wake Myungsoo so hard, but he nods and follows him across the corridor. Sungyeol does some stupid mimicry of Dongwoo sleeping in the middle of the corridor and they all laugh before getting into their rooms. Sunggyu is laughing when he falls unceremoniously on the bed.
“Ah, that was good” he says smiling.
“What, Sungyeol’s imitation? I’ve seen them better” Woohyun half-smiles.
“No, not that, today’s concert. I feel like… ah, I’m so full of adrenaline I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight”
“Yeah, it was good” the younger sits on the other bed and watches as the leader lays there smiling like an idiot, t-shirt wrinkled under his body revealing the soft flesh of his waist.
“Woohyun, help me get up, I’m getting old” he stretches his arm with the hand open as if waiting for Woohyun to take it.
Woohyun smiles and sighs from his place “Grandpa”. He stands and walks until he is right in front of Sunggyu, and then takes the hand the other is offering him. He pulls, smirks when he realizes that the older has gained some weight, and then Sunggyu lets out a deep whine, something that wouldn’t sound erotic except for someone who can’t get Sunggyu’s moans out of his head, and Woohyun loses his balance and falls forward, exactly towards Sunggyu. He falls right on top of the other and can feel his lips brushing his cheek, but just when he reacts and tries to pull out he feels Sunggyu strongly griping his waist.
“Woohyun, I know I’m egoistic, but just for tonight, can we pretend everything is like before?”
Woohyun really, really wants to struggle, to get out of his grip and tell him he doesn’t want things to be like they used to be, maybe even beg for some space because honestly, Sunggyu’s presence is sometimes just stifling. But the older softly kisses his jaw, and Woohyun, once again, promises himself he’ll just give in for today. Just today.
Sunggyu holds him tighter than ever that night, one hand buried into his hair and the other digging its nails under his shoulder blade as the older rides him. Woohyun kisses him like it’s the last time, sucking, nibbling, trying to take out everything he can from the other before it’s too late, and the space between them is impossibly thin. And when Sunggyu comes untouched between their bodies and moaning his name against his ear, he doesn’t think he can take it anymore. But he endures a lot that night, he pushes Sunggyu on his back, he finds places in his body he didn’t even know existed, and when they finally lay on their backs, spent, sun shining through the windows since probably a couple of hours ago already, he doesn’t really remember if he has come three or four times and he has an acute pain in his lower back. He can see Sunggyu’s eyelashes fluttering, just like they do every time he’s exhausted, and Woohyun feels bold, so he softly touches Sunggyu’s cheek and gets closer to brush his lips against his nose, because he’s always had some sort of fetish towards Sunggyu’s nose. And when the older smiles, almost asleep, Woohyun just lets all the overwhelming emotions of the night – maybe of his whole relationship with Sunggyu – and starts crying.
“Woohyun?” Sunggyu is whispering against his chin, eyes barely open.
“I’m sorry, just sleep”
“Are you ok? I’m… God, I’m sorry, I was so selfish and-“
“That’s not it. Just sleep”
Woohyun shushes him while softly massaging his neck, but then Sunggyu looks up at him and he can see tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.
“Of course it is, you have a girlfriend. I’m just so messed up, I’m doing it all wrong”
Woohyun hugs him tighter and starts repeating “it’s ok” like a mantra. Sunggyu falls asleep on his chest, Woohyun never falls asleep.